Cats are very fragile, needy animals at their core, which is why a lot of care must be taken to ensure their comfort over the course of a long car ride. Sure, they have the benefit of being able to sleep the whole way, without the stress of driving a car that you have to endure, but they don't know what's happening, and they can get very frightened if not provided with a soothing, comfortable environment. Remember, you are turning their lives upside down too.

I suggest the following preparations be made prior to setting out on your long journey:

First, make sure to leave them plenty of space to spread out and stretch. Even if this means leaving behind some of your stuff because you couldn't fit it in the back of your 1995 Ford Probe, it will be worth it in the long run. You can buy a big spaghetti pot anywhere, but you'll be in bad shape if your kitties have a psychotic episode because they had to sleep in a colander all night. I suggest leaving the entire passenger seat open for this purpose. They'll be able to spread out on it, and still keep you in sight so they remain at ease, emotionally.

Then, cover the seat with some nice plushy fabric, like a blanket. Even if it's the only blanket you have, and even though you may have to spend the next week running it through your washing machine to get the godawful smell of cat sweat out of it so that your coworkers will stop sniffing and looking at you funny every morning, it will be well worth it when you reach your destination, and instead of sulking away into some corner to hide from you, your happy cats will gleefully bound away into some corner to hide from you.

Make sure you set up their litter pan in a convenient place, and also make sure they have easy access to food and water at all times. I recommend the passenger-side floor for this. Again, even if it means leaving behind some of your belongings, including a friggin' $20 pet bed you bought specifically for the cats to sleep in before you realized it was too big to fit in the back of your 1995 Ford Probe, you'll thank yourself later.

Once you've set up this little palace for your fluffy pets, it's time to get them in the car and head out on the road!

You may notice that shortly after starting the car, they will quickly ignore everything you've done for them and run either under the seat somewhere, or under your feet where they interfere with your operation of the vehicle to the point where you nearly crash the car and kill everyone involved at least four times. Then they will stay there the whole trip.

(Bonus Hint: The empty passenger seat is a good place to put McDonald's cheeseburger wrappers.)

Getting this new account wasn't easy, folks. I sent in my application, and they called me back to say that I couldn't use the name "pinback", because that account already existed. Coincidentally, before I moved to Florida, I had an account with these very same people, with (you guessed it) the very same user ID!

"What name is that account under?" I queried.
"Ben Parrish."
"Well, that's my old account. Just blow it away and let me use it again."
"I'm sorry sir, but our accounting system does not allow us to delete accounts, so I'm afraid you will have to pick another user ID."

After a while, I was able to convince Supergenius over there that it might be a better idea to simply reactivate my account, other than refusing my business because I was already using the name that I wanted to use, so I couldn't use it.

So, I'm finally back where I belong, and am now receiving at least 30 junk-emails a day from all the mass-market lists this damn account got on when I was using it three years ago. Which leads me to my last Nugget, which is...

Getting cable television wasn't easy, folks. Follow this one:

"What is your address, sir?"
"Party Central, Germantown, Maryland..." (Yeah, like I'm gonna give you my address.)
"I'm sorry sir, but the people who lived there before had not scheduled to have their service disconnected until November 10, so that's the earliest we'd be able to disconnect their cable and connect it for you."

After a while, I was able to convince Supergenius over there that it might be a better idea to simply switch the names on the account, other than sending an actual truck out, with an actual guy in it, to unplug a wire and then immediately plug it back in again.

It took about three days before I figured out that I had just blown my opportunity to receive an entire half month of cable TV for free. Now I must move somewhere else to try this trick again.

I hear Orlando's nice.