Author's Note: While most of these accounts are drawn from my actual life, this is by no means a work of non-fiction. Fact is intermingled with falsehood, events are taken out of context, embellished, expanded upon or, in numerous cases, created out of whole cloth. I'm not saying my life isn't this pathetic, I'm just saying I made a lot of this stuff up.

Sorry about the lack of content these last few days. Some things can't be helped. In the meantime, may I suggest that you check out Pinback's latest offering. It's decent!

And that's it. That's all I did today. I can't make every day special, folks, I just can't. God, all this pressure!

I'm therefore not feeling completely my best today and so this has been a somewhat low activity day. I did venture out to the Food Warehouse, which is always a good time, but there is nothing very interesting to report there. In fact, there really isn't much to report about the entire day, so I won't drone on and on trying to make nothing into something, as some have done.

So this will be one of the shorter entries, though still a gem in its own way. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Lots of things planned, including a shower and a trip to Berkeley to get my hair cut!

Get on up. On the scene. Get on up, like a sex machine. -- James "The Godfather of Soul" Brown

Merry Christmas everyone! And I include here greetings to those of you who do not celebrate this joyous holiday, and even to those of you who "sort of" celebrate it. For it is indeed a wondrous time of the year, and I've been observing the season in exemplary fashion here at the Clash homestead. [I must have spilled wine on myself without realizing it at the time. I haven't taken a sip of vino for at least two minutes but I just looked down and...I've got this huge wine stain on the front of my shirt. It's still wet, so I know it isn't something that happened earlier in the day. It's the darnedest thing!]

Anyway, it's been a banner day here. Let's recap:

• Woke up at 11:30
• Had some Planter's Dry Roasted peanuts
• Did three loads of laundry!
• Had some left-over Chinese food, which, after pouring in a whole lot of crushed red pepper, was really quite tasty.
• Chuckled to myself at how little I did today [this JUST happened!]
• Started writing my journal entry
• Continued writing my journal entry
• Made another incisive comment in the daily chronicle of my life
• And so on
• Etc.

Oh, I also spoke to my parents on the phone this afternoon. They're fine. They're getting ready to travel down to Florida where they will spend the winter (they live in Virginia). This is a relatively new development, this going down to Florida. They did it for the first time two years ago, but this year it has gotten more serious: They bought a condo. So I now have parents who Go To Florida For The Winter. I grew up in Florida (and that's the last time you'll ever hear me admit that), and we used to make fun of people like, well, like my parents. I'd like to go back in time and have a talk with myself, believe me.

One piece of bad news, though. My parents report that my ex-girlfriend Celeste's father died sometime in the last year. I knew him a little bit. "Big Sam", I called him. His name was Sam, so that's where I got the "Sam" part, and he was a really big man, so that's why I added "Big". He had been injured in a car accident as a young man while on the job for IBM, and so "retired" at an early age on a disability income. He was not a particularly educated man, but he was smart and wise and ambitious and, after a period of recovery, was engaged in various pursuits. He had a chauffer service for a while but had to give that up when, as he explained to me, the mob strongly suggested that he leave the limo business to them. He lived in Northern Jersey, so I was half inclined to believe him. There were a couple of other businesses along the way, each of which produced some income for a while, but never came to much. When I knew him, he was reselling long distance service, though he'd switch affiliations quite frequently. This resulted in my long distance carrier being changed - without my knowledge or consent - every few months. The man made a hell of a crown roast though, so I had to forgive him.

His signature achievement, in my eyes, was his successful bid for mayor of the Jersey township in which he lived. Celeste used to tell me hilarious stories of the campaign, with Big Sam instructing his numerous delinquent sons to prowl through the neighborhood and tear down the opponent's signs, intimidate potentially hostile voters, and the like. Sam once recalled to me how the key to the election was getting the local fire department and, curiously, the bakery delivery union behind him. I don't know and I don't want to know, but I just picture him as Boss Tweed, doling out favors in return for a few election night mishaps suffered by his worthy opponent. Well, rest in peace Big Sam. If only it could have been me.

Hey, I learned a few things today! One thing I learned is that I can fall asleep on the couch while holding a glass of wine without spilling any of it. Hey...wait a minute! Ha, ha, just kidding, but really. I fell asleep on the couch holding a glass of wine and did not spill any of it! Another thing I learned is that Latrell Sprewell was "literally on fire" the other day in his game against Washington, or so said the announcer in today's Nicks-Raptors game. I also learned that there are only so many miniature Reece's Peanut Butter Cups I can eat before I start to feel a bit queasy. And, finally, I learned that my vacation, now in it's fifth day, will unexpectedly extend another five days! Yeah!!

I learned this last item immediately after I sent an email to my boss and a co-worker informing them that I had decided to extend my vacation for five more days. Considering the large number of way-way-behind-schedule projects I have, and the fact that the previous five vacation days were not exactly pre-announced there at work, considering that, this may not have been my best move. On the other hand, it does introduce a new twist in the game I'm playing at work, which I like to call, Will I Be Able To Find A New Job (And Therefore Quit) Before They Fire Me.

This little project has been in the background for quite a while but it moved decidedly to the foreground last Tuesday when I had lunch with my boss. He noticed (ever observant) that I've been a bit disgruntled lately, so he wanted to have lunch with me to "discuss ways to make [the organization for which I work] function more efficiently". God, you hate to hear something like that, eh? So his idea...his thinking was that TOFWIW could function much more efficiently if I stopped creating a - get this - a "hostile work environment". He says this because I may have been acting a little distant towards a co-worker (not the one mentioned above, a different one) with whom I have a small problem (I am totally in the right as regards this dispute with my co-worker, trust me on this). And, sure, I may have not been so entirely friendly toward this person, but hostile work environment? I don't think so.

Well, things got a bit ugly after that. I remember at one point telling him that the faculty (I work at a law school) are all "a bunch of jerks" and if the entire enterprise were to collapse, I'd "have a party". So things are pretty much on a quit/get fired track at the old workplace, which if that doesn't say "take as many days off as you feel like", I don't know what does. Time is on my side, for a little while at least. It takes a hell of a lot to fire someone here at the University, so even if he started right after our little lunch meeting, I've still got a good five or six months before anything's likely to happen.

That's why I feel like I'm going to win this game, and why I also feel like I can have a little fun in the meantime. I've never before been in a situation where I absolutely did not care whether or not I piss off my "superiors" at work, but here I am. There's little chance of my getting a good recommendation from them as things stand right now, so basically, I'm insulated. I've got to try not to get carried away, of course, not do anything that might get me arrested. I don't want to go nuts here. But a few pranks are in order, and I'll be sure to keep you apprised. Incidentally, if any of you know of a decent job in the Bay Area for a person with no credentials and no easily-identifiable skills, please let me know?

'Kay, you be good now.

In an effort to create a bit of excitement for my readers, I ventured out of the apartment this evening. Unfortunately for all of us, nothing much happened. I played some darts, I overhead someone saying, "Pontius Pilate knew hearsay when he heard it," and I had a gay man ask me how it was going. "Good," I said, but that was a lie. Or, let's just say it was a half truth. "Yeah, it's going so-so," would have been a whole truth. I had a nice dinner of salmon with basil, and I tripped over the leg of my table while getting up to go to the men's room, causing me to have to brace myself (just a little) on the table next to mine, to the inexplicable consternation of my fellow diners.

It's tough to have a better time than that, folks, I'm sure I don't need to tell you. But it's Christmas Eve, so I don't want to dwell on the negative. If I do that, then the terrorists win. Let me just say, "happy holidays to everyone and the best of everything in the new year." I'll just note in closing that, in these solemn holiday times, it just doesn't seem right to make jokes.

Ok, with that out of the way, let me just explain what I have in mind here. This is an "experiment", I'll give you that, but here's the idea: see, I have a full life. Anyone who keeps in regular contact with me knows that. Whether it's drinking in the morning or not leaving my apartment all day, I've always got something going on. But, the problem is, I've been living a somewhat solitary lifestyle lately (which is totally by my own choice). While I enjoy the free time, it strikes me that I'm depriving people of the chance to see what really goes on for LT, on a day-by-day basis. So that's why I came up with this idea, totally on my own, to write, as I say above, a little something about every single day of my existence. Ok, got it? EVERY SINGLE DAY, I will write a little tidbit (or maybe more!) so those of you out there who do not lead as dynamic a life as I might have just a little taste of what it is like to be LT. You lucky devils.

Why don't we just jump right into it? Today has been a somewhat relaxing day. It's Sunday, after all, so you want to kick back. I awoke at the wonderful hour of 10:30 am, my dick hard and ready for adventurous day. At 10:33 am, I decided to have a little nip. Nothing like a bracer to get you started! I had about 40% of a bottle of Canyon Road merlot left over from the night before, so that seemed like a good place to start, and indeed it was. "Velvety smooth," is about the only way I know of to describe Canyon Road, but 40% of a bottle is not going to last me forever, so, by 11:00 or thereabouts, it was time for me to venture out into the big bright world.

If I have cash and I don't want wine, I'll go down to Micro's Market to buy my alcohol. They have a fine selection of brewed beverages, including a sub-specialty, the "gravity" malt liquor. Me, I like Olde English 800 High Gravity malt liquor, or "HG-800" as they like you to call it. 8.0% alcohol by volume and it really packs a punch. Delightful flavor, too, reminiscent of diesel fuel and boiled hay. Some people, less sophisticated than myself, might prefer Steel Reserve High Gravity, because it has 8.1% alcohol. But I say if you're going to fall for cheap marketing gimmicks like that, should you really be drinking a gravity beverage at all? I think we all know the answer to this question.

But today I want wine (and plus I don't have any cash), so that means I'm making a trip to my local Food Warehouse. On a nice day, this involves an utterly pleasant 40-minute walk, but it happens to be a tad cold and rainy today, so it's the bus for me. A quick check of the AC Transit bus schedule tells me the F bus should be at my stop by 11:20 am, but they don't let you know what the random multiplier is that they used to figure out when the bus will really be at the stop, so it's a blind guess. What I usually do is wait at the bus stop for a little while, then, in disgust, start walking along the route (I hate just STANDING there) until l'autobus catches up with me. Today I just waited, though.

Long story short, I finally caught the bus, went to the warehouse (there's some funny stories about THAT, believe you me!), got my wine, caught the bus back home and then spent the rest of the afternoon drinking it. That's more or less what I'm doing right now, too, as evening falls on the Bay Area.

See you tomorrow!!!!!