Author's Note: While most of these accounts are drawn from my actual life, this is by no means a work of non-fiction. Fact is intermingled with falsehood, events are taken out of context, embellished, expanded upon or, in numerous cases, created out of whole cloth. I'm not saying my life isn't this pathetic, I'm just saying I made a lot of this stuff up.

So I got a little behind and should have stayed for longer than I did. But I didn't because I wanted to get to sleep kind of early tonight. I wanted to get to sleep kind of early because I thought I was going to have to wake up at 5:00 am tomorrow. As it turns out, I won't have to wake up at 5:00 am. Instead, I'll be waking up at 4:00 am, in time to catch a 4:30 am cab to work. I'm not happy about this.

But I am happy about the fact that this is going to be a great conference. Up until this week, I thought it was going to suck because registration was way low. But we signed up 125 people this week! Now my attendance is up to 275 or thereabouts, and we'll probably get 30 or so walk-ins, so we're looking good. I'll still lose about $45k on the conference, but whatever. I'm going to concentrate on making sure that everything runs like clockwork, that all the speakers and guests have a good time, and that I get some good flirting time in with a certain law student with whom I am in love (Casandra). And fuck the deficit. So I lost $45,000. So I originally projected a $25k profit. Do I care? Well, I do care a little bit, but I also take some satisfaction in the fact that I've cost the Center way more than my annual salary. Take that, you fucking self-important dickheads!

I've got another early morning tomorrow, so I must be off to bed. Not only do I have to get in early, but I have to stay late, as well. I'll lose some time at the hearing, but not more than a few hours because it's basically running itself at this point. But still I have a ton of things to do tomorrow, and I'm pretty much at the last minute now, so I figure I'll go ahead and do them.

Then all afternoon, I was at the hearings. Every thing went very smoothly, I'm happy to report. They ended about 4:30 and I was back at my office by 5:00. I had a few matters to turn to, phone calls to answer, and so forth. I did those and got out by 6:30. I hit the gym for a (somewhat lighter than usual) workout and then went to a bar for dinner. I really wish I hadn't done this, because I wasn't really all that hungry and I didn't want bar food anyway and also I'm trying to save money, if I could just REMEMBER that for once. But I did want a beer, and since I was in there anyway, and I had to eat sometime tonight...I went ahead and ate there. I had a burrito, a salad and two beers. Not particularly good, but decent.

Can today's entry get anymore interesting, you ask? Well, no it can't. Sorry to say. I couldn't write any more even if I could top that burrito story, because I have to get to sleep. Tomorrow I've got the FTC hearings all day. Though it should be fairly mellow, I still have to get in very early (by 7:00). It's annoying that I have to be there, actually. There really isn't very much to do; one person could easily handle it. Now, they're topically relevant to what I do for a living, of course, and I'm solidifying relationships with Important People at Cal. But what do I care? I'll be out of there soon enough and, though I fear my memories will haunt me for the rest of my life, I would like to never think of the place ever again.

Well, ok, that tidbit is rather interesting, so there you go. It can, and did, get more interesting. On that note, I'll wrap things up here for today. It was good I could get today's entry in, though I want to reiterate my warning that I could skip any one of the next few days. No promises.

By the way, I can't promise to keep you apprised of every day next week. It's going to be a dicey week. I'll do my best, don't worry. Just don't give me a hard time if I miss a day or two.

Just for the hell of it, I decided to call the cleaners and ask what time they closed. 4:00 seemed kind of early; maybe I got the time wrong. The person who answered did not speak English, but he soon passed the phone to someone who seemed to. "What time do you close?" I asked. "Seven o'clock," came the reply. "Really? Seven o'clock? Because for some reason I thought you closed at four o'clock." "Seven o'clock. Okay bye," said the cleaning store person.

Well, then. That was good news, because that meant that I could go to the gym, which is what I really wanted to do, and put work off until tomorrow. Because I'd have time to go to the gym and still finish up before the dry cleaners closed, you see. So I did that and when I got to the cleaners after a good workout they were, of course, closed. Turns out, they closed at 4:00 today. That sucks because now I'll have to go to the cleaners on Monday morning before work, which I really don't have the time to waste Monday morning. They won't open until 7:30 am by which time I had hoped to be at work. You can see how traumatic this all is.

Then I went out to eat, came home and, at 2:00 am, went to sleep.

And then it gets pretty boring after that, so I'll spare you the details. Got home, watched Frontline, and went to sleep.

This is especially bad because, as I've been going on and on about, I've got a major conference starting in about a week and there are a ton of details that need some (or a lot of) attention. It's not like I'm going to have very much time next week, either. All week, there are the Federal Trade Commission hearings being held at Berkeley and I'm helping out with that. I won't get any conference stuff done on Monday because I'll be at the FTC thing all day. Tuesday it's the same deal, but I'm going to have to get conference stuff done. That leaves Wednesday and Thursday to get stuff done and then the thing starts on Friday! I'd better get to work, is what I'm saying, and pronto.

I am amazed at how hung over I was (and still am). I had one bottle of wine last night, which is admittedly a lot, but not too long ago I would have considered just one bottle of wine "taking it easy". And I would not have been hung over the next day, either. Particularly if I took the appropriate before-bed precautions, as I did last night, like drinking a lot of water and taking a couple of aspirins. Well, whatever. My consumption last night affected me quite a bit, and I really can't have that.

So tonight I'm, of course, not drinking, but I'm also going to try to get to sleep early. Like way early. I'm talking about going to bed at 9:30. I usually can't fall asleep that early, but I've been so tired all day, maybe it will work. If it does, I'll get in tomorrow very early, and I should be well rested and full of energy!

I like to keep track of my finances, as you may know. I keep careful records in MS Money 2001 (which, if you're trying to get your finances in order is much better than using Excel) of my checking, savings and credit card accounts, and I also frequently check (since we're using hrefs tonight) my bank's on-line statements to see if any unusual charges are posted against my checking account. Almost all the time the answer is "no", but every once in a while they try to slip something by you.

Like this morning.

I log on to my bank's web site and what do I see? Some mysterious charge against my debit card in the amount of $35.00, for which the so-called Description is "CHECK CRD PURCHASE 02/08 YDOM". YDOM? Something is amiss here. I occasionally use my debit card to gain access to porn web sites, so I'm constantly vigilant against one of these "Adult Verification Services" making an unauthorized charge against my card, and I'm certain *this* is one. YDOM? Yeah, right. Young Dominatrix, or something like that I'll bet. Nothing doing for me, though. I only pay for a porn site ONCE.

I call the bank and, after about ten minutes on hold, a friendly customer service rep gives me a cheery hello. I explain that I think there's been an unauthorized charge against my debit card and that I want more information about the YDOM transaction. She's happy to give me that information, she tells me, but it's going to take about a week. That's not bad in bank time, but I really need to get to the bottom of this right now. After all, if the bandits have access to my debit card, they can just empty my account. Unlike a credit card, where you're only responsible for a fraction of the fraudulent charges, you're totally on the hook with a debit card. I try to reason with "Alice", but she won't budge. Happy to help, but it's going to take a week. Supervisor, please.

"James" takes over and, very calmly, explains that it's going to take about a week for me to get my information. I, somewhat less calmly, explain that I actually need it a bit more quickly than that. There follows about five minutes of back and forth, until finally James admits that they could get me the information in 30 minutes or so, but it's a pain for them because someone has to blah, blah, blah, and there's no way they could do it for every customer who calls in inquiring about some random charge in their account, which is almost invariably a legitimate charge anyway.

Fair enough, I had to admit. I then besieged him, letting him know that I was worried about future charges and (faux-guiltily) confessed to dealing with some "potentially disreputable Internet merchants". Well, James had a heart after all it turns out, because, by special arrangement for me -- and I was not to tell my friends about this -- he was going to research it personally and give me a call back as soon as he had any info. Well thank you James. Excellent! That's the kind of response I want to get when I Ask To Speak To A Supervisor.

Good to his word, James called me back about 15 minutes later. "YDOM", he informed me, is the identifier for Yahoo Domain Services, Inc. The charge had *just* been posted on my account earlier in the morning and was still in "pending status". Once the transaction had passed through the next stage of processing and emerged from pending status, the description line would have been expanded to read "Yahoo Domain - benparrish.com". I mumbled something about "fraudulent bastards" and let him know that they "haven't heard the last from me". I then thanked him for all the effort and his fine work and told him that, as far as I was concerned, we were cool, and I'd just take things up directly with the disreputable merchant.

The thing is, by a strange twist of fate, I happen to be the owner of benparrish.com (ask about our custom email services). And, funny thing, I initially registered benparrish.com at Yahoo Domain Services, Inc. As soon as the guy said it, I remembered that I had recently gotten an email from Yahoo Domain Services, Inc., letting me know that the benparrish.com domain registration was expiring in a few weeks and that they would be processing my renewal and charging my credit (in this case, debit) card.

So that explained that, but it took a good portion of the morning. Then I had to have coffee with Samantha, which activity took a little while. In fact, it took me right up to lunch hour, when I had to go to the Santa Fe Bar & Grill on University Avenue, to meet with Helga, the very German and very Arian caterer who's catering a dinner I'm handling for this patent conference. We had to go over some of the catering details, you see, and that all went very pleasantly.

I've never really understood the allure of S&M. I mean, inflicting or receiving pain and/or humiliation? That really doesn't sound all that erotic to me. It sounds painful and/or humiliating. Nothing against those of you who are into this sort of thing, of course. We all have our quirks. God knows, there are things I don't confess. And, now that I think about it, my old girlfriend Trish "like[d] it rough," as she used to say, and that was a-okay by me. But hard-core S&M? No thank you. However, if there was ever anyone who could possibly, in a million years, change my mind on this subject, it would be Helga. She's about 35 years old, taller than I am (which is to say, more than 6 feet), platinum blonde hair pulled back tightly, angular and svelte in her conservative blouse and skirt, taut lipped, to the point and very serious, and she spoke with a slight -- but noticeable -- German accent. Get out your riding crop!

Probably the only reason I think I want her to whip me is that she so perfectly conforms to the web images I've seen of a dominatrix. (Hey! this is the second dominatrix reference in today's entry. I swear, I'm just going for the joke here. I really don't want to be beaten and/or humiliated by a tall German woman.)

So, yeah, that made the meeting a bit more interesting, but I had to get back. So I bid a her a fond Vielen Dank und guten Nachmittag. Ich hoffe, daß Sie spank mich bald können, and caught the next bus back to campus. By the time I got back, it was 3:00, so most of the day was already shot. I did attend to a few minor work details once I got back, but mostly I spent the hours from 3:30 to 6:30 writing (and then revising about A THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMES!!!!!!!!!!) yesterday's chronicle entry.

Before I knew it, it was time to go. I had to go pick up a refill of my Wellbutrin prescription (which I very conveniently was able to order through the Walgreens web site), so that meant I had to walk about a mile to the drug store. After Walgreens, I went to the Berkeley Bowl, which is right across the parking lot, to buy fruit and wine. I got out of the grocery store in time to *just* miss the bus. It was literally twenty feet away from me, but I was restrained by a red light and cross traffic and further hindered by a bus driver who certainly heard me yelling "WAIT!" but pretended he didn't. So I walked the rest of the way home.

And that's where I am now. I have a few closing notes. I do think the Wellbutrin is starting to work, but in a strange way. I didn't have a particularly good day today. I mean, I screwed around at work, which is not good, and I didn't go to the gym, and I'm drinking wine and a bunch of other stuff that usually leaves me drained (and depressed) at the end of the day, and yet I'm happy. Giddy, almost. It's not like I'm all of a sudden optimistic and positive and plucky or whatever. I mean, I'm still thinking all the negative thoughts I always do. But I'm damned happy about it. So good.

Also, I'm entitled to $3.57 as a result of a class-action suit. I learned this via post this evening. It turns out that MBNA (from which company I once had a credit card, but it was revoked), had a little problem with one of their ad campaigns and, while they are not admitting any wrongdoing, they would still like to send me some dough as part of a court-authorized settlement. If I call an 800 number, I'll be confirmed as a member of the class-action suit and therefore I'll be entitled to $3.57 American. If you read the legal document they sent me, you'll learn that the person who brought the suit (one G.H. Gordon of Wilmington, Delaware) will get $10,000 as the lead plaintiff, and the law firm that represented Mr. Gordon will receive $2,500,000 for their efforts, because, it was explained, they "prosecuted the case for three years without compensation". To be honest, $3.57 is WAY more than MBNA owes me. In fact, they owe me about $-2,500, which is to say that *I* owe *them* $2,500, but they don't seem to realize it. And I'd just as soon keep it that way, so mum's the word. (Remind me, BTW, to tell you that story some time.)

I got up early and made a fresh pot of coffee. I then poured myself a cup and set about planning my day. I couldn't think of anything, so I had a few bong hits to stir my imagination. That didn't really work either, but I did imagine that I needed to clean the old apartment up a bit, so I did that for three hours. I vacuumed, washed dishes, dusted, and generally straightened up. My home is a showplace!

A few more bong hits and then I was off to the gym. Sadly, though, the gym was not open (it never occurred to me that the gym would be closed today). Plan B was to go up into the Berkeley hills and run on the fire trail, as it's called. After the Oakland fires wiped out a bunch of houses in 1990 or 1991 (whenever it was), they cut wide paths into the hills so fire trucks and other fire-related things could get up there and put the fires out. When they're not being used for fires, the fire trails make excellent jogging paths. They're wide and fairly smooth and the views from up there are, in places, truly stunning. From one vantage point, you can look out over Berkeley and Oakland, across the Bay to SF and Marin and down the Peninsula. If it's clear enough, you can see four bridges (the Bay Bridge, the Golden Gate, the Richmond-San Rafel, and the San Mateo). Today it was overcast, though, so you couldn't see that much.

My run was excellent. I did about five miles, and I had a dog running with me part of the way (probably three miles). He was a cute short-haired yellow dog. He'd run all over the place sniffing things and then would catch up with me and run by my side for a while, then off to sniff more stuff. There were lots of other dogs up there on the fire trail, so he was having a great time. One time he ran ahead of me and jumped up (in a friendly way) on this woman.

"Control your dog!" she barked at me.

"It's not my dog," I explained.

"Well, who's is it?" she asked.

I responded with a quick, "dunno. He's been running beside me for a few miles."

"Well, where's his master?" she wanted to know.

Didn't I just explain that it's not my dog? "I don't know," I said. "The dog just showed up and started running along with me. It's a male dog, it's cute and it's yellow, and that is everything I know about this dog."

She came back with this: "Well, don't you think you have an obligation to find the dog's owner? You can't have him running up and down the fire trail bothering people."

I'm in the middle of my run, you understand, so while we're having this conversation, I'm sort of running in place, like stupid joggers do at red lights. This seemed to be bothering the woman because she asked me at this point, "would you please stop jumping around?" I wasn't "jumping around", F her I, but I stopped what I was doing anyway.

"Look," I said, "I don't know where this dog's master is. I don't know who his master might be. I've never seen this dog before about twenty minutes ago. I'm just out here for a run, ok? I'm sorry the dog irritated you by jumping up on you, but it's really not my problem." Then I immediately set off jogging again and the dog followed right along at my side, just as before. I said, "that's a good boy, Rex," loudly so she would hear me. I hope she thinks that really was my dog after all, and that I was just lying to her. I was running along thinking how annoying that woman was, and then I thought, I wonder how I'd feel if everything had happened just as it did, except the woman was a really hot Asian co-ed. I concluded that I wouldn't have been nearly so annoyed, which really isn't fair to people who aren't hot Asian co-eds, but what are you going to do?

After the run, it was back home and into a hot shower. I took a glance at myself in the mirror when I was naked. I still have a gut, but I think I am seeing some improvement in my muscles. My chest and arms are definitely getting bigger. I still have a long way to go, though.

After the shower, there's really not much to report. I did some more cleaning, played the piano some, ate a delicious (but non-dietetic) dinner of steak and baked potato, and that's about it. Oh, wait, I watched "Double Indemnity," staring Fred MacMurry, Barbara Stanwyck and Edward G. Robinson. I had seen the movie before, of course, but not for a while and I was in a noir mood. Great move. I never noticed this before, but "Body Heat," which I watched last night, has many similar plot elements. Just a coincidence, I'm sure.

At 12:45, I went to see a video presentation downstairs in one of the classrooms. It was called "Ethnic Notions", and it was about stereotypes constructed about blacks and how the stereotypes endured in different forms over the years. The film was produced by some Berkeley sociology professor (and PBS), and it was pretty good. It traced these stereotypes from antebellum times to - and this was the main problem with the video - the early 1980s. That's not really that long ago, but, still, I think attitudes have changed a bit since then. I guess the point they were trying to make is that, no, they haven't, but I don't know. There was supposed to be a discussion after the video, but we didn't have time for that because the preceding class ran late. Maybe the discussion was supposed to bring us up to date and talk about how these stereotypes have been reformed for today.

Then it was back to work for the afternoon. Except I didn't get a lot of work done. On a positive note, I have to say that my relationship with Karen has improved over the past few days, especially today. Starting on Wednesday, I guess, she has been coming in my office frequently and chatting. She'll talk about work right away, and then range onto personal topics. Today she spent a lot of time in my office chatting because, I am just learning, she recently broke up with her boyfriend. I'm glad things are improving with Karen. I'd rather be friends with her then enemies. As long as she's initiated the rapprochement, I'm glad to go along.

Anyway, around about 4:15, it seemed like a good time to take off, so that's what I did. I skipped the gym because I seemed to have injured my shoulder slightly last night doing push-ups. It's nothing too serious, but I figured I'd lay off today and see how I feel tomorrow. I already have four work-out days this week so I've fulfilled my obligations.

I stopped off at the Berkeley Bowl and bought some fruit and wine. I've already dipped into the wine; the fruit I've got for later. I'm looking forward to the long weekend. I should be able to get some quality exercise time in and also play a lot of piano. Once this weekend is over, I've got some serious work to do. The FTC hearings and the conference are going to kick my ass. But after that is my vacation, so I suppose it's not so bad.

Today was rather mellow. I didn't make it in until about 11:30 so that's a bad start right there, productivity-wise. I wrapped things up around 5:30 and did NOT go to the gym. I've been going like a madman lately, so I don't mind the day off. Back on the horse tomorrow, though.

And that brings us pretty current. I'm going to play some piano right now and try to get to sleep early tonight.

By 12:17 pm, though, it was a different story all together. At that time, I was getting out of bed, soon to take a shower, catch a bus and arrive at work promptly at 1:00 pm. Then I did some work and then 4:50 rolled around and it was time to head to the gym. It was cardio night tonight, and that went very well.

There was a small problem with catching the bus on the way home, that being: one never came by. This was very annoying. I decided not to stop by the grocery store on the way home because I was sure I'd miss the bus if I did and I didn't want to walk all the way home. But, as I say, the bus never came, so I walked all the way home.

Nothing else happened today. Oh, well, I should note that it's another drinking night. I received the two bottles of wine, as you'll recall (see 2/12/02 entry), and I only drank one of them last night. I'm not going to drink alcohol if its in the house? Please. I've been doing so well on my non-drinking campaign (for the most part), so I hope this doesn't get me back in drinking mode. Probably it won't, given my gym obsession lately, but I have to say I am enjoying a refreshing beverage (merlot) even as I write this. It's very tasty, wine. If you haven't had the opportunity, you may want to check it out. Wine, particularly red wine, is really quite a wonderful thing. In moderation, of course.

So not much got accomplished earlier in the day, but the EFF thing was quite successful. There was a good turnout and everything went smoothly, production-wise. I was the only one working the event, but my job was still pretty simple. I had to arrange the room, set up the mics and recording equipment to make an eventual RealAudio file, deal with the catering and a few other things, but that was it. Piece of cake, and these EFF events are actually fun to do because I've done five of these by now and I've gotten to know (and like very much) the EFF people. They're are very mellow. Also, the EFF attracts an interesting cross-section of people. Berkeley radicalism and Silicon Valley geekdom. They seem like disparate things at first, but they really do come together nicely. After all, one of the founders of EFF was John Perry Barlow, who was a lyricist for The Grateful Dead back in the day.

Anyway, I got the event started and then, yes, went to the gym. I am a work-out god. Today was lifting day and because I was getting a late(ish) start (7:40), the gym was not too crowded. There were a few nice co-eds tonight (I'd like to have sex with them) and thankfully the PA was not playing the local rap station. Not that I have anything against rap music. I like it just fine. I do have a problem with commercial rap station DJs though. They be illin'. Instead, the PA was blasting the Cal station, which is good but you have to be ready for Gregorian chant followed by the Beastie Boys followed by Madonna, after which the DJ says, "aaaaaaaaall riiiiiiiighhhht. Threeeeeeeeee songs from threeeeeeeeee d-d-d-different genres, and yet they somehow fi, fi, fi, fi, fiiiiiiiiit. One flooooooowwwwwwsssss into the other in a seeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmless journey of musical delight! I'm Groovin' Joe to the G and you're dialed IN to Cal-Ex, my brotha."

So another good work-out day and then I'm back at the EFF thing to collect all the equipment and clean up the room. Right when I was done (9:47) Samantha, god bless her, showed up to offer me a ride home, which I was very happy to accept. We had a nice chat about her undergrad days and she dropped me, a scant 14 minutes after we first set out, at my doorstep.

I then set about drinking, which I probably shouldn't have done. Nothing to untoward happened, don't worry. It's just that I'm in this wine club. Or, rather, I used to be, because, in a desire to be more thrifty in light of the impending move, I cancelled it earlier this week. But anyway, I'm in this wine club where they send you a bottle of wine of the same vintage, but from two different vintners, each month. Turns out, I cancelled too late to miss this month's shipment, and so my wine was waiting for me as I arrived at work this morning. It's merlot this month, so when I got home tonight, I couldn't help myself and I finished one of the bottles. Not such a big deal, given my tolerance level, but it's now 2:07 am, so I don't see myself getting to work particularly early tomorrow.

I got up early, fully intending to go to work, but the weather was once again delightful and it's Monday and all, so I impulsively emailed my co-workers and told them that I was not feeling well and was not coming in to the office. (I let them know that I'll be in tomorrow, just to set their minds at ease.) And so suddenly, I had the whole day in front of me! How nice.

Determined to make the most of this day off, I made some coffee and put a load of laundry in. Did I ever mention how much I like having a washer and dryer IN my apartment? If not: I like it a lot. I drank some coffee and had a few bong hits, just to set the morning off right. The combination worked perfectly, because I spent the next twenty minutes or so energetically cleaning while marveling at how the sun comes in ALL the windows in my apartment in the morning hours. (Admittedly, I got a bit carried away with this at the time, but I have many windows, and they don't all face the same direction, so it really is quite something. It's a SUNNY APARTMENT.)

Then I played piano for two hours, which was just very enjoyable. I had the windows open and the . . .sun was. . . well, you know, but it was nice! I am making great progress piano-wise, by the way. Well, what I mean by this is that I'm making it through my Beginning Piano book without too much trouble. I can play "Lightly Row" no problem at all. Both hands!

So a fun morning and then I biked to the gym. I did a full workout and then biked back home -- taking the long way though -- so I probably biked about ten miles all told. Another fabulous workout day. Still no results to speak of, but I'm now entering my sixth week of fairly regular gym-going, so any day now I expect to see something. Oh, I can "see" some results in terms of the amount of weight I can lift in various exercises. That's going steadily up. (I know you folks live for these statistics.) But I'm not really any skinnier or buffer, which are the only measures I'm interested in. It's bound to happen soon, though.

Or maybe not, because immediately after my work-out, I had dinner at the Berkeley Thai House (which I heartily recommend, if you're ever in the area -- Channing near Telegraph). I only had vegetable curry (and two glasses of wine), but it was the red Thai kind of curry with lots of coconut milk. Really, really delicious but also high fat. Eh.

I spent the rest of the evening domestically, cleaning and such. I played some more piano and turned in about 12:00 am (midnight).

The evening was spent variously watching TV (good Simpsons tonight), playing piano and reading A Distant Mirror.

Dinner was good. Colin baked the salmon perfectly and the rest of the food was similarly delicious. We watch Blade Runner on their new home theater system (which Colin was annoyingly unable to make show Blade Runner in letterbox mode). So that's all good.

After that, it was lights out. This morning I woke up around 10:00 am, had some coffee and an English muffin (which Colin was compelled to go out and purchase for me), and then they drove me back home to Oakland.

I went for a run, played some piano and generally messed around until 1:00 am, when I turned in for the night.

Samantha is on her way over here now. She's going to pick me up and then we're heading down to Atherton to her house for dinner. I'll stay there over night and come back here tomorrow afternoon.

I spent a little time on the web today checking out the employment market in Humboldt. I was not particularly enthusiastic about what I found. Jobs that I could qualify for seem to be offering about $22,000 per annum by way of salary, which is going to be somewhat tough to live on. I made more than that in 1985. I took a two-thirds pay cut when I moved here from DC, and it now looks like I'll be cutting my salary roughly in half when I move North. I don't need a lot of money, but still, this is not really the way you want to go.

Now, apartments are very cheap, so that's a good thing. Two-bedrooms go for about $700 and one-bedroom units are in the $500-$600 range. Efficiencies, which I am starting to think might be my future, run as low as $300. I'd hate to live in an efficiency, and I'd have to get rid of most of my stuff just to be able to fit, but whatever. Once I get up there, I'll try to figure something out. If I could get by working, like, three days a week, maybe the efficiency wouldn't seem so bad.

Ok, I guess that's it for today.

Beyond that, there's really nothing of note to report. I did some work, had some lunch, did some more work and then went home (not to the gym - BAD!). I watched "Barton Fink" on video when I got home. It sucked.

The sun had been up for a little while (15-20 minutes), but it hadn't crested the hills when I arose. Our little valley and the surrounding hills are dark, but the next range over, which is about 30 miles away and much higher, is lit up in a nice orange hue. Is there anyone here tonight from California? Yes? California? Well, you've got yourself a beautiful state there, ladies and gentlemen, those of you raising your hands. Presently, the rancher's helper comes by in his truck, delivering fresh hay (or alfalfa or whatever), which whips the cows into a frenzy. They're mooing and running around and carrying on, like they haven't been eating non-stop for like the last 12 hours. The sheep like this development too, only not to such a great extent as the cows. It was all very dramatic.

It was feeding time for us, too. Cathy whipped up a fancy and abundant breakfast, which we all happily consumed. Then it's off to look at a dead lamb. Two dead lambs, as it turned out, and a grisly discovery. We went out in the lowest pasture to check out a lamb carcass that's been out there for three weeks or so (gross) and found tons and tons of old bones. Twenty, thirty skulls and innumerable other bones. This was obviously the place where the ranchers had dragged a lot of dead animals over the years, and just left them there to get picked apart by other animals and to decompose. It was a little eerie, but we're tough people on the farm so I dealt with it.

Round about 11:00 it was time for me, regretfully, to say goodbye to The Grateful Acre, as C&C call it (they're Jerry fans). It was a thoroughly refreshing visit. It was great to see Coco again after maybe five years of being out of touch. Cathy was just so incredibly nice. As nice as a person could possibly be. I really felt welcome there, and I totally was. So there were a lot of good hippie vibes flowing the whole weekend, all that peace and love stuff, and just when I needed it, too. You probably couldn't tell, but I was a bit on edge last week. I'm like a totally different person now.

Anyway, I drove home in just under five hours. The drive was scenic and traffic was very light (even when I got to the Bay Area), so that was great. I watched a bit of the Super Bowl, very exciting. And then I started writing these entries.

That takes us up to this very moment, at which I suddenly realize I'm very tired so I'm going to sign off here. To sum it up: great weekend. I ran a quick feasibility study while I was up there, and I am ready to make this prediction right here and right now, 11:42 pm, Feb. 3, 2002: Within six months, I will be living in Humboldt County. If you're playing along at home, start your timer. . . right . . . NOW.

As you can tell from yesterday's gushing entry, I liked Coco and Cathy's (C&C) place when I first saw it last night. It was dark*, though, so I couldn't really see the scenery too well. Or at all. But this morning I got a better look at it and, yeah, I'd call it "decent". His house is in the middle of a small valley, surrounded on all sides by hills that are, I'd say, 3,000-5,000 feet high. There are a few other houses in the valley, but you can't see them from C&C's place. What you can see are pastures, lush and green right now, but they'll be brown in the summer. They're tiered, these pastures, three of them with a thin row of trees in-between, so it makes a nice effect. There are maybe twenty or thirty cows scattered about and maybe 150 sheep. All very pleasant.

Right behind the house runs the Upper Bear River, which drains the surrounding hills into the ocean, about 20 miles or so to the West. You can tell that the volume of water it carries ranges quite a bit. The river follows a pretty wide cut, but today it's using only about a third of it. Coco's seen it about halfway up the banks, which as we're looking at it seems hard to believe. That's a hell of a lot of water. It does rain a bit around here. Only in the winter, but it can rain for days on end when it's raining. It's gentle, but steady.

The river serves as the property line, marking the Eastern extent of the land owned by C&C's landlord. It spreads out from there like a triangle for thousands of acres. So it's a decent spread. The landlord's great-grandfather (or something) was the original homesteader on the land. Which is to say he stole the land from the local Indians. He stole their land and then (with his fellow homesteaders) killed off most of the Indians along with wildcats, coyotes and bears. In those days, once you staked your claim, you were the legal owner as far as the US Gov't was concerned; the title deed began at that moment.

As tragic and immoral as all that is, I've got no problem with it, because that series of events ultimately resulted in Coco getting to live here, which, in turn, resulted in me getting to stay here. I'm joking of course but I do really love it here. It's so incredibly peaceful. The main thing you notice is how quiet it is. Except it's really not quiet, because the river is always running behind the house and the critters are making noise and there are birds and everything. But, yeah, it's so nice and quiet. Today is a perfect day. Not a cloud in the sky, temps in the mid-60s, which is slightly warmer than normal.

I walked around a bit and got acclimated, tried to pet some sheep and slacked. This blessed indolence came to an abrupt end, though, because we had a project to tackle. You know how there are always project that need to be done on a farm. Fix the fence, or plow or shoot something or whatever. Today we had to fix the roof of the "water tower", as Coco called it. It's not really a tower, though. The top of the tower is only about 25 feet off the ground, so ladders can reach. Anyway, the original roof of this thing had blown off and gotten lost during a recent storm, and so Coco had lashed a large square piece of plywood on top, like putting a coaster over your beer when you're getting up from your barstool to pee or smoke. Our task was to take a jigsaw and cut the plywood so that it matched the round shape of the water reservoir. Coco is a fairly handy person and used to work as a carpenter from time to time when I knew him in Key West, so he knew what he was doing. I am not handy at all, or only very slightly, but I'm strong so I was of some help. We were having a few cold ones during the course of this project (which took, all told, about 3.5 hours) and hilarity ensued numerous times. Pretty fun, and we did a decent job of it, even if there were a few adjustments to the plan made along the way.

Meanwhile, while we were acting out this I Love Lucy sketch, Cathy was inside making a fabulous dinner of roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes. . . all that stuff. UNbelievable. None of us had eaten all day, so we were all starving and ate like the Simpsons do for about forty minutes. After doing the dishes, we lit the stove and settled in, drinking red wine while Coco and I played some of the most god-awful guitar "music" you've ever heard. He's about exactly as good as I am, and I suck, so you can imagine. But, by the end of the night, we had "Knocking on Heaven's Door" totally down and were almost there with "Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude," so that's not bad. At some point we started singing as well as playing, and that was bad.

By this point, it's off to the camper-van for me, to watch a few more Seinfeld episodes, eat the *new* snacks Cathy left for me, and then watch the episode of King of the Hill that was there on the end of the tape, and then lay awake for a few hours (until about 3:00) before falling asleep.

*It's really, really dark when you're out in the country. You can't even see your hand outstretched. It is dark.

[Today's and tomorrow's columns were actually written on Feb. 3., which is why the tense changes randomly throughout the entries. - ed.]

Today was a glorious day. I caught the bus to the rent-a-car place at about 10:00 am, and was on the road for Humboldt by noon, which was right on schedule. The weather was perfect; sunny and warm. It has been cold lately, so this is a welcome change. Traffic sucked until nearly Santa Rosa (for those of you familiar with the area), but then it opened up and the drive was great.

North on the 101, the route takes you through the giant redwoods plus a ton of other amazing scenery, up and down the mountains. You can see the climate type gradually change as you drive north, particularly in the types of trees and other vegetation. First the palm trees dwindle and then stop appearing all together [update 09/07/02: now that I've moved up here, I can say with certainty that I was wrong here. There *are* palm trees up here. Lots of them]. That's the last vestige of the Southern California climate. As you move more into a Pacific Northwest climate, you start to see more and more conifers, including the aforementioned giant redwoods. I guess that famous tree you can drive through was near by at one point (because I passed "Drive Thru Tree Boulevard"). I never saw it, though.

My destination is just a little south of Eureka (near Ferndale), way in the country. The last stretch of the journey is over about eight miles of one-lane road, along the ridgeline of some hills, with really steep drops just a few feet away from the car. I was doing this just as the sun was setting, so that was fun. It's just hills used for grazing land and other agricultural pursuits for miles in every direction. I saw no lights from houses as I was driving along. You really get the feeling you're out in the sticks.

I made it to the homestead at about 6:00 pm, without incident despite the treacherous road, and my hosts arrived home from grocery shopping at about the same time. The place is amazing! The house starts with a little brown shingle cottage, built some time around the turn of the century (1900, not 2000), which was used as a one-room school house for many years. It became a residence at some point, and there were three or four other rooms that were built on at various stages in the more recent past. It's very quaint and also very comfortable. It is heated by a wood burning stove - very cozy! The front windows look out across a one-lane road to a pasture used by sheep and cows. So the place is great and my hosts are incredibly welcoming and generous, feeding me delicious meals and offering all sorts of other comforts.

It was a very nice evening, full of catching up and reminiscing . We turned in earlyish (9:30) That's what you do in the country. My room was a camper-van parked in the yard, which might sound not so good but it was actually great. The bed in the back was very comfortable and it had a little TV/VCR there, for which Cathy (Coco's girlfriend and my hostess for the weekend), provided me with a compilation of Seinfeld episodes on tape. She urged me to watch them, saying how much she loves laying in the camper-van and watching Seinfelds.. And, indeed, laying in the back of the camper-van, watching Seinfeld episodes and eating all the little snacks that Cathy and left for me *was* very enjoyable.

So that's it for today. I fell asleep in the van with cows mooing and sheep bleating around me (but not in the van).