I wrote a review of a computer game. Go read it, then play it.

Get ready to spew chamomile tea through your nose: I wrote a new column. It's not a particularly good one, but after going without for the past six months, you'll take whatever I give you. Or else.

While I was at it, I also wrote a review of Robb Sherwin's new video game over at RFTK.

A whole mess of new coaster photos, and all of the same ride.

Updated the coaster list, with one new ride. Also, put two of the greatest on-ride coaster photos ever up on that thing. I also got rid of the NYC splash page, in my own personal effort to return to a sense of normalcy. To return to an even greater sense of normalcy, I did not write a column or a trip report or a review.

The whole world has gone to hell, whaddya think the news is? We here at Jetstream call for the annihilation of whatever planet is responsible for these attacks.

Alright, all praise be to myself. First of all, the BBS is back up and running, although I've never used this particular board before, so let me know if it sucks. Also, check out the new coaster photos of the Santa Cruz Giant Dipper. A trip report is forthcoming shortly. Then again, we've all heard that before.

Since I doubt anyone will ever see this, my faithful readership long-since having deleted this link from their favorites, I will keep it short. First, I removed R. LeAnne's writings from the Tradewinds page, because, I mean, God. I also (brace yourselves) updated the coaster list with some of my latest exploits. And yes, I did count Superman: The Escape as a rollercoaster, and if you don't like it, you can just suck me, because I've taken enough shit from you people and your high-and-mighty attitudes. Goddammit. It's no wonder I only update this site once every four months or so.

So this is what it's come to. A chastising automated email from Earthlink explaining that I was nearing my website bandwith limit of, get this, 750 megabytes per month. It seems that people enjoyed the "art" page so much that this entire webpage was nearly jerked out from underneath us. If you gather my particular inference. Therefore I have made major changes to that particular page. I hope you enjoy it, you sick, demented perverts.

Well, it's nearly midnight on April 15th, which (if you're me) means it's about time to think about starting to maybe try doing your taxes, or whatever. More importantly, this is a new segment on our show which we will call Jetstream's Music Newz. (You can tell it is hip because instead of the regular spelling of "news", I put a "z" in there. The kids love that.) It is now being officially reported that Chris Cornell (of Soundgarden fame) will be joining up with the remaining members of Rage Against the Machine (of Rage Against the Machine fame). Those who are paying careful attention realize the significance of this. Members of two of the few groups I ever loved (and subsequently destroyed) are now joining together. Oh, happy happy day. And as I suggested months ago when the rumors first started, they are changing the name of the band. The new name is unknown, but I can only postulate it will be something really cool, like, Impending Breakup or something pithy like that. Needless to say, this will be the greatest band in the history of rock music. As soon as more details are available, I will make them known to you, even though you do not care. Bastard.

Added a new column, coming straight from my nether regions.

Also, hi. I'm back. Did you miss me? And who is this Kaitlin Bree bitch, anyway? I certainly hope I took naked pictures of her. Speaking of that, I added some new "art". That is to say, some new "photography". That is... oh hell, if Yahoo can do it, so can I. I added new porn, alright?

Updated the weight loss page to reflect the last two weeks. I will be leaving for two weeks on Tuesday to put all of the weight back on, so there won't be another update for another couple of weeks. I hope you can stand the weight. HA! Get it?! Stand the "weight"?

Also, the votes are in on the facial hair thing. I have received many responses from a wide variety of my audience, so the public has spoken! However, as you might have suspected, I don't care what the public said, and was just going to do what I felt like. And what I felt like was growing the thing back, since I could not ignore the remarkable resemblance that my clean-shaven face bears to a large baking potato. However, while I was stocking up on my diet food at Vons (which somehow has changed from fruit and tuna fish to wine and tequila), the clerk asked me for my ID. I DO care what Vons clerks say, so that's the vote that counted.

I do believe this is the first known instance of website where the readers are allowed to choose the host's facial hair style. Send in your votes now, this shit starts growing back really fast!

So, as you can see from the above highlight, there's really not much for me to do at work anymore. So instead of going to work this morning, I slept. Then when I got up, instead of going to work, I did something far more useful and updated the "red dot" page as it has been called. Sure, it was a long time coming, but I didn't want to blow my wad too soon. Now that this is done, I will spend the rest of the day thinking about baseball. Have a nice time, and brother can you spare a dime?

Just the fatass thing again. This is quite the dynamic place, isn't it.

It's Sunday, so you know what that means. It's time to give thanks to the Lord for all of your blessings. And if you're me, one of those blessings is that I am kicking ass in the weight-loss competition.

Began the Verse Project.

You'd think that losing weight would actually free up a lot of your time that you used to spend eating and drinking to do all the stuff you would have been doing otherwise. However, since most of my favorite things to do in some way involved eating and drinking, I suddenly find myself with, as many have noted, way too much free time. The quicker I can make the time go by, though, the quicker I can get back to eating and drinking. So I need diversions. Lots and lots of diversions. And I'm now prepared to give you my thoughts on some of these diversions, in a new feature I call, "Mini Game Reviews #1"! Instead of each of you sending me a separate email saying "get a life", I suggest you just draw up one draft and then have everyone sign it.

A new, very short, very stupid column awaits.

Dale Earnhardt is dead.

The first update to the Deathmatch Challenge has been installed. Who is j00 daddy?

As if my weight chart wasn't already exciting enough, it has now reached an almost comical level of interesting-ness now that is has become a big-time contest with little hope of corporate sponsorship! Hoo-ee, we got us a barn-burner here!

Finally, an answer to the question "Why the hell is there a Counter-Strike banner on this page?" Read the review to find out. Warning, it's very long and much of it is quite possibly only interesting to the reviewer. If you're in a hurry and just want the bottom line, then just skip to the bottom line.

Updated the weight chart. Sigh. Losing at poker was more fun than this.

Also, my likeness will be featured in an upcoming adventure game by Robb Sherwin of RFTK fame. Robb has been kind enough to give me a preview of his artistic interpretation of my puss, and I, in turn, have been kind enough to share it with you. According to Robb, I will be playing the role of the bounty hunter, because I "look like [I am] Satan, reincarnated". Which would sure explain a few things, wouldn't it?

Updated the weight chart. These charts are really starting to depress me. Speaking of that...

Updated the poker chart for the very last time. Also, Jetstream proudly presents the XFL Quote Of The Day:

"Tell me about that interception."
"Well, it was a blessing from God that I got a good read on the ball."

Football players. Is there anything they don't know?

Due to no small degree of miscommunication and confusion, I screwed up the latest posting of R. LeAnne's latest work. In fact, I left the entire first half off of the one called "A View From The Ledge". What am I, a moron? If you already read it, read it again.

In preparation for the upcoming coaster season, I finally updated my Coaster List for all the trips I'd taken during and since my move out to California. There were two changes to the Top 5 lists, and the total number of coasters was pushed up from 81 to 115!
   "Nobody cares."
I hate you.

R. LeAnne returns with two more columns, the inspiration for which I can only assume was a severe drug-induced hallucination.

I am pleased to present you with as much sparkling, fresh new material as I can. Unfortunately, I will not be pleased today, as I haven't been able to come up with any fresh new material for the past couple of weeks since I got a new computer and high speed internet access, which have opened up for me exciting new worlds of time-wasting, and glorious new vistas of pornography. So I have been reduced to presenting material which, while still original and never-before-seen, I wrote a little while ago and just never bothered posting.

First, in between the aforementioned porn surfing, I try to lead a more balanced online existence by also scavenging matchmaker.com for unsuspecting chicks I can lure into my van with candy and toys. To this end, I have written what has been called (by at least two people, one of whom was actually female) the greatest personals ad of all time. I'm not one to argue with praise, so I won't.

Second, we have the very first chapter of Way Out, my diary of the business trip I took to London (England) in early December of last year. It was intended to be a long, multi-chaptered affair, this first part being written while I was still there. I was going to wait until all 238 chapters had been written and then let it loose to storm the charred remains of the Earth. However, I haven't written any of the other chapters yet, and it seems a shame for this to just sit on the hard drive collecting dust, so here ya go. There may or may not be further chapters, depending on how long my new DSL keeps running.

Also, I updated the copyright notice on every single page. Make sure to visit every single page again, just to make sure.

Updated the lardbutt page. Please do not feed the webmaster.

Updated the poker chart. Big deal.

R. LeAnne makes a triumphant return with a new Tradewinds column. They always come back.

Updated the fatass chart. Notice that so far both of my charts show me losing big.

Updated the poker chart. You may wish to have the women and children leave the room.

Dude was like, "There should be a link on the front page where we can email you." Yeah.

I got a new computer. It came with a Quickcam. So I present to you, the three faces of Ben.

I done wrote a new column. Belly on up and have a taste. And speaking of belly, don't forget to check the weight chart on Sunday. Exciting stuff.

New "art", too, as some of you have taken to calling it. Pathetic bastards.

This just in! I have added a bonus feature to the website, that being Ben's 2001 Poker Chart (a link to which you can also now find below the Handy Dandy Guide.) Like a good little gambler, I will be tracking my play during the coming year, and this page offers you the exciting opportunity to follow along on my card-playing adventures. Now back to our regularly scheduled news...

But wait, there's more! The poker chart seemed like such a good idea, I thought I'd add my weight chart, since the only way I can effectively lose weight is if I know a lot of people are watching my progress. So every Sunday, we'll update the chart. My life is an open book for you people! Okay, now back to the show...

I'm sure it crossed your mind that Jetstream was in danger there for a while of dying a shameful death like all my other websites. Well I'm here to tell you that it couldn't be farther from the truth, primarily for the fact that R. LeAnne submitted two new columns. Actually, she submitted one, and then submitted another one a week or so later, but I was lazy enough posting the first one that I can now announce them in tandem. Ta da!

And just to show that I'm still willing to put serious effort into providing new material on this site, I updated the Way-Secret Page. That's all you sickos care about anyway. Happy MMI Eve.

R. LeAnne submitted some minor modifications to her latest work. Also, the news archive has been fixed. Actually, I'm not sure of that as I type this, but I'm thinking optimistically here.

The R. LeAnne page has been updated with her latest work. I'm gonna keep all the news on this page until I can figure out why it won't let me upload the news archive page. Weird, man. There's a paragraph in there, where if I take it out, it uploads fine, but if I leave it in, it hangs. Ridiculous. (The paragraph says "The $cientology scourge must end! Boycott Earthlink and all of its subsidiaries! Also, your mother is an ugly whore!" I hope that's not the problem.)

Greetings, from the far side of the puddle, or whatever you call this place. I get to come home in four days, seven hours, twenty-three minutes and 2.93 seconds! Until that feverishly awaited moment, read a review of the new Rage Against the Machine album.

Happy December! To celebrate the last month before we can officially say that the movie "2001" was full of crap, I present to you not one, but two new Tradewind columns by our most prolific guest author, R. LeAnne. Also, it's that time of week again, so, you know where to go.

I received some feedback this week regarding my column "Topanga, Part II". The feedback read, "I hope that's not true, because if it is, you need to get laid far more often," to which I can only say, hey, if X = Y and Y = Z, you can pretty much figure that X = Z. By the way, did I mention I run an internet porn site?

Yeah, I can't get my columns in on time, but I always update the important stuff on schedule.

11/23/2000

Those of you waiting on the edge of your ergonomically-optimized office chairs for the sequel to my last column can relax, because I just posted it.

In case you didn't realize it (which you didn't), this is a very special column, because it is the twenty-second Jetstream column to be posted! Who gives a crap, you ask? Well, this officially means that Jetstream features more columns, more rip-roaringly tasty goodness, than any of the past webpages I've done. No longer will we wish for the good old days of PWC, because Jetstream sets the new standard!

Even though most of the stuff was written in the space of one month, over a half a year ago.

11/19/2000

I've posted a new essay to the coasters section. I'd take a look at it, even if you don't care about coasters. Don't worry, it's short.

11/18/2000

There's a new column, if you can tear yourself away from the naked chicks for a couple of minutes.

11/17/2000

I've soiled my good name, along with those of my entire family, by updating the secret section of which we do not speak. Please do not let this be the only reason anyone visits this site. Anyone but me, I mean.

11/16/2000

People sometimes ask me, "Hey Ben, why do you even bother running a site like this? Why do you bother writing stuff, and soliciting others writings, for a webpage which if the readership ever got into double-digits, you'd be so shocked and amazed as to cause you to immediately jump out the window in glee?" I always tell them, because one day, if I stuck with it long enough, I knew that someone might submit to me a column of such power, of such darkly comic magnitude, that would make all the work, all the sweat and blood, all the empty pizza boxes and beer bottles worthwhile.

Today, I received two of them. Please enjoy the new Tradewinds columns.

11/15/2000

Sure, you forgot about Dre, but did you forget about Walter Miller? Well, I didn't. He's my freind!

aW SHUCKS Ben thanks for your kind words...the next update just went up!
Your freind,
Walter Miller
>
>If your site dies, I will hold a ten-year-long vigil to celebrate the life
>of the most revolutionary webpage to ever grace the internet.
>
>Well, not really, but it'll still suck.
>

More exciting news is, I've updated the old coaster site to the new format. No new actual material yet, but that's only a matter of time. In the meantime, read all the old stuff that you missed because you couldn't possibly care less about roller coasters.

Also, I changed the name used in one of the Tradewinds columns, because certain ridiculous people have nothing better to do in their evenings than write threatening emails to poor, innocent, feel-good webpages such as this one.

Forget it, guys. R. LeAnne's off the market. Read all about it in her new Tradewinds column.

Also, there's actually a new column today. I'm as shocked as you are.

Additionally, the "Adult" tab has been removed, due to my own moral misgivings, as well as the fear that someone I actually care about might see it and get the idea that I am some kind of reprobate perv-o-matic. However, do not lose all hope. It's still available from any page. But it's... it's hidden now. I'll leave it to you to find it. Think of it as a fun little game! Look carefully.

And by request, I've added links to all the old crap to the bottom of this page.

But wait! Holy crap! There's more! Since there's a new section for reviews, I felt compelled to actually review something.

I changed a couple of things. Let me know what you think, and whether or not you want to go back to the other design. In the meanwhile, I'll keep working on this one.

Also, R. LeAnne submitted another Tradewinds column. She is on a roll, man.

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