The PWC2 Introduction

Alright, friends and polite acquaintances, we've already had the First Quarter Update, and then later the Second Quarter Update, which can mean it's time for only one thing, and that is for me to go take a leak because of all the coffee I drank this morning.

Okay, now that I've taken care of that, let's move on to our next bit of business, which is to go to Jolt Country and hit Refresh on the BBS ten or fifteen times or so. Then check Yahoo to see who died or got a fatal disease lately (Teri Garr -- too bad, she is (as David Letterman so succinctly put it) one fabulous babe!) But after that, of course, it can only be time for one thing: The Third Quarter Update!

For those of you who have not been playing along thusfar this year, choosing instead to go out and do something with your life, let me bring you up to speed. At the beginning of the year, I set down on virtual paper a list of ten things that I wanted to accomplish this year, to make this year a monumental, momentous stretch of time in my rapidly dwindling supply of life. Then every three months, I revisit that list and do a little report card to see how it's coming along!

In this installment, I've added a new grading feature. For items receiving a grade of F- or worse, I will insert the number of minuses parenthentically after the "F". Therefore, "F(13)" represents a grade of F-------------. I think this will help clarify just how horribly I've been doing with some of these items.

Okay then, without further preamble (or as the Italians say, "ado"), let's get to it!

Item 1: Get Pilot's License Current Again (Grade: F+) I'm raising my grade on this to a far more respectable F plus due to some peripheral, indirect progress made during this time period. For one thing, as you'll soon see, I've decided on a new home, and that home is within about a mile of the Santa Monica airport, so once I get moved in, I'll be free to pursue my certificate currency goal in relative convenience and with a feeling of security that I won't have to change training schools any time soon. Additionally, I purchased several flight-related books and made damn sure to flip through the first few pages of each of them, so my studies are coming along nicely in that respect. Look for this item during the Year-End Roundup which should be coming your way about three or four months into 2003, if my timeliness with these updates has been any indication.

Item 2: Move (Grade: A+) Hey, would ya look at that? Dude finally got off his ass, gave up trying to predict where his company was going to end up, and decided to just go ahead and move anyway. And what a spot dude picked, too! Right there on the beach in Santa Monica, perched in a primo spot right between a wall of drunk people on one street and a wall of homeless on the other. The only possible thing I have to worry about now is that the place is actually an unliveable dump, but since I don't plan to be there too much in the first place (I'll be too busy flying in Cessnas and getting my freak on in the back of my Chevy Prizm, you see) even this shouldn't present too much of a problem. I should note that as of this writing, I'm not technically moved in there yet, but after this Saturday? A plus, baby!

Item 3: Get Finances In Order (Grade: C) Right at the end of the quarter, I managed to actually do a little of this, as I noticed that I was getting secretly charged monthly by a couple of shady organizations (for instance: "Microsoft") with which I will no longer be doing business. So I got that cleared up, which was good, but if I'd really done a good job, I wouldn't have had anything to clear up in the first place, so I can't feel too, too proud of this. The next job on this item I think is to start doing something with some of the money I've saved up. I've got about twenty large sitting around doing nothing, and I feel I should be making my money work for me. Then again, the last time I tried to make twenty large work for me, about 3/4 of it quit its job and went on welfare.

Item 3a: Spend Less Money (Grade: C) I really should take this item off, because it continues to be synonymous with the above item. However, it's kind of a tradition now, and I've grown quite fond of it, and I won't hurt my baby, not for you or any man.

Item 3b: Spend More Money (Grade: B) The "menu" for purchases during this update was to be a set of golf clubs, and a car stereo. I got the clubs, but did not get the stereo. In place of the stereo, though, I took several trips to Vegas and ate at Ruth's Chris a few times, and all that ended up costing way more than a car stereo, so I gotta count that as at least a minor victory. Or perhaps a catastrophic failure, I haven't quite decided. Anyway, this whole "spend more money" thing has, I think, just about run its course. Now with my slightly increased rent and LA lifestyle, I might want to think about not spending more money at this point. We'll see how that goes, though. I'm going to Ruth's Chris again tomorrow night, so it might just have to wait.

Item 4: Record Some Music (Grade: D minus) The only reason this isn't an F(8) is because my friend Adam had me come over and record some stuff for him to use as a soundtrack for a little movie he and his friends went ahead and shot. I did that. It took about two evenings. It sounds pretty weak, but at least it was recorded, and that's sticking to the letter, if not the spirit, of this particular item. But with the way some of these items are going, I'll take whatever ill-gotten credit I can got. Er, get.

Item 5: Get a New Fucking Job (Grade: N/A) For some reason, my current job continues to exist, and at least for the short term, shows no outward signs of going away. This continues to bewilder me, but who am I to argue?

Item 6: Work Better (Grade: D) Pretty goddamn weak, as evidenced by the fact that I started writing this at about 3:30 PM in the afternoon, after a pretty heavy meeting with our superiors during which we learned that we'd totally misunderstood everything and that we have about twice as much work to do as we thought. But really, how am I supposed to be able to concentrate on my job after a meeting like that unless I play a few games of Asteroids Deluxe and then write a PWC Intro? I give myself at least a barely passing grade on this, however, due solely to the fact that while I'm definitely a fuckup, I'm still the best and most productive guy they've got on this godforsaken team. (Note to any team members reading this: I'm just kidding, dude. I'm just writing it like this so my loser "computer friends" will be entertained.)

Item 7: Get Laid At Least Five Times (Grade: F(27) ) Wow. Twenty-seven minuses. That's a lot of minii. However, it accurately sums up the progress made on this item. In fact, it would be worse (F(34), to be exact) except there were a couple of moments in various establishments where I was actually able to converse somewhat with attractive females of the opposite, er, you know, without instantly being overwhelmed by a sense that I was about the most grotesque, unappealing, nightmarish creature to ever have the unmitigated thoughtlessness to exist in their general vicinity. Hey, gotta crawl before you can walk, knowhumsayin'?

Item 8: Write More (Grade: D-) No excuse, other than I continue to not enjoy writing. In fact, I probably deserve a little more credit here, just for some of the stuff I've come up with over at Jolt Country and on the new, exciting, largely ignored Monto Rusa site, but I feel that by continuing to denigrate my own performance on this issue, it may in fact encourage me to do better (which, as we all know, it won't.)

Item 9: Cook More (Grade: D) Well, let's see, I made some bitchin' lasagna a couple times, some outstanding cheeseburgers, and that biscuits and gravy last week. That's about it, though. And I don't see this getting better once I move to Santa Monica, due to the wide variety and convenience of exciting restaurants that will be available to me.

Item 10: Local Travel (Grade: F(7) ) Didn't really go anywhere except for around Hollywood and the Santa Monica area this quarter, and that's not really what I'd call "local travel". However, this is sort of a bullshit item, when you think about it. In fact, as I write this, I'm starting to get the feeling that most of these are total bullshit items. Here I am giving myself D's and F's for every damn thing, like I'm supposed to apologize to you people for it, when in fact I'm feelin' pretty damn good about the way things are going. Got my sweet new pad, had a hell of a lot of fun these last three months with trips back east and to Vegas, had my man Clash come down for a month during which time we kicked it in grand style, and generally just had a sweet little old time. And now I gotta come on here and tell you people that I get seventeen fucking minuses because I didn't happen to steam any goddamn fucking chinese dumplings for your sorry, E/N website-surfing lamers who couldn't even sack up enough to make one sonofabitching trip to Vegas with me? Hey, FUCK YOU. How's THAT for writing more, BITCH.

Yow! Whoa, sorry about that! Where did that come from, huh? Man. Let's just move past this unfortunate episode, shall we...

Bonus Item: Get In Shape (Grade: F(12) ) I haven't touched my beautiful new bike, or a weightlifting machine, since the first week of June. Also, I have been eating far less healthy (but more tasty) stuff. Amazingly, though, I haven't gained hardly any weight, which is good. So while I definitely have not gotten into shape, I certainly haven't gotten any further out. Bow to me.

Alright! That was the Third Quarter Update. As far as summarizing the quarter, the move is definitely the most important thing to happen, and should function as a springboard to assist in completing some of the other lingering tasks. About five times, if all goes well.